Spending time with your teen over the summer can be both rewarding and challenging. Teens are at a stage where they are practicing being adults, fostering independence, and seeking autonomy. This natural developmental phase is crucial, as it prepares them for the responsibilities of adulthood. However, it often leads to conflicts when they seem resistant to advice or input. These interactions can be frustrating for both parents and teens, and even the best relationships can experience communication issues during this time of life.
Teens are like prickly little pears, often feeling unheard and unsupported, just as parents might feel the same. So, what can we do to ease this tension and improve communication with our teens? Here are five effective strategies:
1. Address Listening Skills
Listening is more than just hearing words; it involves processing and understanding the information being shared. There are three different levels of listening:
- Level 1: Hearing while focusing on your own thoughts or things you have going on. This level involves internal chatter but allows for a response.
- Level 2: Listening and paying attention to non-verbal cues. At this level, you listen to understand, tuning into the emotional content of the conversation.
- Level 3: Active and engaged listening, where you combine the elements of Level 2 with an awareness of how you'll respond. Here, you listen to what your teen is saying and what they aren’t saying.
As a parent, aim to focus on Level 2 listening. Let go of internal chatter and strive to understand your teen’s perspective without the immediate need to respond.
2. Avoid Immediate Reassurance
When your teen presents a problem, resist the urge to offer immediate solutions or reassurance. Jumping to fix their issues can inadvertently send the message that you’re not interested in discussing the problem. This habit prevents teens from developing independence and the ability to rely on their problem-solving skills. Instead, give them space to express themselves and develop their solutions. Remember, your teen is in a stage where they need to learn to navigate challenges, and sometimes your role is to support rather than solve.
3. Sit with Silence
Silence can be powerful. Allow your teen the space to process their thoughts without immediately jumping in with advice or solutions. Sometimes, just being there and giving them time to reflect can lead to personal insights and solutions. Your role isn't to be the hero in every situation but to foster an environment where they feel comfortable exploring their thoughts.
4. Empathize with Your Teen
Using empathetic language like "I can see how that is really hard for you" or "How does that make you feel?" can make a significant difference. These phrases show your teen that you genuinely care and are not merely going through the motions. This approach communicates that you are on their side, helping to create a safe and supportive space where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings.
5. Ask Your Teen How They Would Like You to Respond
Communication is a two-way street, and understanding your teen’s preferred way of interacting is crucial. Ask them if they want a hug, need you to sit silently, or just need a listening ear. Knowing their preferences not only helps in the current situation but also encourages them to come back to you in the future. This simple question can strengthen your bond and foster better communication in the long run.
Effective communication with your teen is a skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Just like building muscle, it requires practice and patience. If you need support in fostering these skills, consider booking a call with WeThrive Learning. Our experts are here to guide you through the process, helping you to build a strong foundation for open and meaningful conversations with your teen. Remember, with practice, these skills can become a natural part of your interactions, leading to a more harmonious relationship with your teen. Reach out today, and let’s work together to make communication with your teen an enriching experience for both of you!